Control vs. Power

So I had an interesting realization. I have always struggled with being a control freak and trying to control everything around me so that I could feel safer and feel like I knew what was happening. I have such a terrible fear of the unknown and I have had such a hard time accepting that I really can’t control anything but myself; my actions and reactions. But as I have continuously pondered why I get so uneasy when I feel like I have no control, because I do understand that I really can’t control anything, so why does it still create anxiety in me? I realized that I associate control with power. When I have no control I feel like I have no power and those are two very different things. Control is an illusion, something people want and sometimes feel like they need. Control can almost be attributed to the way males want to dominate, one can use force to control, violence, fear, a sly tongue. But power has nothing to do with control. A person can be completely out of control and still have power. I think this is seen in many archetypes that rise above evil and prevail because they have true power while the evil character only has control.

Lets be generic and use Star Wars as an example here because Star Wars is the epitome of archetypes. You have the Emperor who has an immense amount of control, control of the dark side, control of Darth Vader. But both Luke and Darth Vader, eventually, realize their own power and use it to rise above; Darth Vader defies the Emperor and kills him instead of his son. The power within is such a powerful thing. I know the feeling of that kind of power when I get the courage to do things I would not usually do, say things and not care about what other people are thinking. When you let other people’s thoughts matter in such a way they affect how you think about yourself, you are giving your power away. When self esteem drops and you feel like your own thoughts and feelings are stupid you are giving your power away. I think everyone does it at one time or another, I know I do, we just aren’t always aware of it. And as so many people know, awareness is the key in life. Ignorance is bliss, but awareness is like nothing else, it is a way to truly strengthen one’s mind and soul. So my goal in life is to always be aware. Unfortunately this often causes over thinking and analyzing, but I am working on that also.

But yes, I think power is a positive energy while control is a negative one. That is how I can tell the difference between the two, control or perceived lack of control creates anxiety whereas power creates comfort and strength. It’s remembering to find that inner power that is hard when I am so caught up in feeling like I’ve lost total control. But I think now that I am aware of it and constantly searching for it, it will eventually come easier to me. Like all things in life, it takes practice, mental practice is one of the hardest things to do I think but it is so rewarding in the end. Mindfulness. I fully embrace it and want to continue to learn how to live it.