I'm never sure what to think about life

So life has gotten increasingly busy, personal things, work, getting ready to go to a new school etc. I was a little shocked to realize I hadn’t posted in almost a month, and if you ask me what I’ve done all July I wouldn’t even be able to tell you because I am still so shocked that July is more than half over and I realize all the things I need to get done still. Though I know I am doing my usual “make everything seem bigger than it really is,” like when I amplify the amount of homework I have, I usually think that two hours of homework is going to take me six and then I give myself an anxiety attack. I just still struggle with the feeling of not knowing what to expect or what is going to happen, I’m really trying to work on letting that go. I think I have improved immensely over the last year, I am not nearly as much of a control freak as I used to be. Though I think I swung to the other end of the spectrum and I am not trying to find my way back to the middle. It’s an interesting feeling not knowing who I am but remembering I liked who I used to be and trying to get back to being that person I once knew. Though I think I’ve realized one cannot move backwards, you have to move forward and let the past stay behind you. I think I’ve been looking back as I walk forward and it’s not getting me anywhere, I need to look straight ahead and welcome what’s in front of me. I have a lot of new experiences coming up and I would like to face them head on. I know I am a strong capable person and I have a lot of faith in what I can accomplish. I guess I just sort of needed to give myself a quick pep talk here. I think the anxiety has been sneaking up on me and surfacing in my dreams without me consciously recognizing it’s upon me. I haven’t exactly been having nightmares, but they are very unpleasant dreams where I am in a crisis situation, usually involving death(s) but I never freak out, but I can always feel everyone else around me going ballistic. It’s a very weird experience and it leaves me waking up with a bad feeling, I don’t really know how to explain it. It feels very contained. I may have to take the time to look into them more and analyze them. But yea, it’s amazing how life continues to prove how it is a never ending circle and cycle of events.

Computer Program Can't Lose at Checkers

This is a neat little article, one more reason to love Canada! I would love to do these kinds of things for a living, figure out random small problems that wont revolutionize the world but may in some small way help something bigger later on. How amusing.

http://apnews.excite.com/article/20070720/D8QG4CD80.html