Oh, Personalities

Oh crazy life. It really is amazing how much faster life goes by when you're in school as opposed to a typical 40 hour a week job. That's been my experience at least. The summer was nice and slow, easy going, now life has decided to resume it's usual fast paced speed. I love Florida though. I feel wonderful here. I don't know what it is. The weather is fabulous, I am loving the warmth and not missing snow as much as I thought I would. I heard Colorado got hit and I just snickered to myself. Though I will be sad if it doesn't snow much in New Mexico and I don't get to go skiing, just a side thought. But really, I find it interesting how every now and then I go to a new place and I am just enveloped in a sense of calm. I feel that way in Washington D.C. and Atlanta, two places I instantly felt wonderful the moment I arrived. I don't care how bad the traffic is in Atlanta, I love the city. Beautiful night skyline too. Florida gives me this same feeling.

Although I live in Orlando, I haven't really had the chance to actually see Orlando, go exploring, figure out what's going on, so I don't know if it's so much a city thing as it is just the entire state. Oh, except Miami, Miami is on that list too. I went there and just felt good. It's interesting because I started reading "The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge" by Carlos Castaneda and one of the entries talks about how Don Juan made him find his spot on the porch. He rolls around for hours because he doesn't understand how to find his spot. Don Juan tells him it's just a feeling, there's no other way to find it. That just reminded me of my "feelings" in different places. I love feeling that connection to the world around me.

My intuition is so strong and I can't remember a time it was wrong. Though for what ever reason I still fail to allows listen to it and follow what it tells me. Though I think I'm almost at the point where I've had so much negative reinforcement for not following it that I am about ready to try to just do whatever it tells me because what do I have to lose? I guess if I get negative reinforcement that way I'm just fucked. And such is life, right? Oh what a terrible way to think, I take it back but I won't delete it. But yes, I am in a state of happiness again. I am truly enjoying my surroundings and the good is outweighing the bad. I am achieving a nice balance in my life, the stress of school is complimented by the company I keep.

However, I do think I need to be careful. I am afraid I am about to tip the opposite way. I have become less introverted over the last eight months, but I still cannot handle extreme constant social situations. I really find it interesting how people's personalities really do control them so much. It makes you think about free will. I can choose to do something against my personality but then I pay for it internally and eventually that will leak out externally. That goes along with trusting my intuition, I know when I've exerted myself too much and my subconscious is trying to tell me I need some reflective time with myself. That is definitely something I need to pay attention to more. It's hard when you get wrapped up in new things and are surrounded by extroverts. It's an entirely different world, one I almost wish I could be a part of sometimes. But I like being introverted so I would rather live vicariously.

I think Karen and Diana can relate to this. We've all had to offend other people in order to take care of that alone time we instinctively crave. I haven't come across many people that understand that. Even a lot of the other introverts I meet don't seem to quite need it as much as I do. Although this is one of the many things I constantly reflect on about myself in life, it is also one of those things I don't really care if I ever get an answer to. It's not about figuring out why, even though that's always a fun thing to do, I have just accepted that's how I am. I can't change it.

I've had people tell me I can, I just have to get used to it, but in 23 years of life every single time I have over exerted myself in multiple social situations I end up with a massive break down. So I can't say I really care what other people tell me. I have myself figured out a hell of a lot more than most people. Personality traits basically come down to you accept them in other people or you don't. That's one of the best life lessons I've learned so far. If only there were more understanding people in the world. I love how my Psych teacher emphasized you don't have to agree with someone, but it would be nice if you understood them. I would like more people to reflect on that. Maybe I'll make a t-shirt.