My Life is Chaotic Neutral

Haha! A D&D joke for all you junkies out there! ….Anyway, truly, my life seems to be so chaotic as of right now, I know it will change, things will smooth out, but moving has got to be one of the most upsetting life events a person can go through. I’ve had to live for a week now without the majority of my stuff, blank walls (I really really really hate blank walls) no more doggie to keep me company, and ontop of that when Autumn started September 23rd, boy did it mean it, Greeley just said “later summer I think I’ll be chilly all day and cold all night”. Total slap in the face. Not to mention the day after my mother left with my dog it poured all day long. It is things like that in life when you really have to wonder, was that a coincidence or did God just want a good laugh? Oh God, what a sense of humor you have. But yes, now I get to tackle my big move, well first it’s a mini move then it will be a big move across the country. How exciting and terrifying all at once. Saturday marks the first move, into a friends house temporarliy, and then two weeks later the big one. I am running around trying to get everything perfect and organized and ready and I finally realized that that’s impossible. I don’t think it’s possible to make a move and have everything ready to go, you will always end up with those odd things left out that end up thrown into a box or a bag of just miscellaneous junk that just gets thrown in the truck at the last minute and you probably never unpack. But that’s okay, I’ll get over it, one more lesson in life about perfectionism and lack of its existence.

Honestly, considering how chaotic my life seems right now I am actually pretty comfortable about it. I am truly scared to move to a new place where I don’t know anyone and where I’ll be further away from my family than I have ever been in 23 years. But I’m okay with it too. I am excited to leave, start in a new place, continue my education, do what I want to do for myself in life, accomplish my goals. Even though I really don’t like meeting new people I’m excited to meet new people, even though I hate the first day of school, I'm excited to get back into it. It will be an interesting experience. I’ve been reading, thanks to my mother, Confortable with Uncertanty by Pema Chodron. It really has some interesting insightful thoughts about getting used to the uncertainties in life and understanding that they will always be there and that you have to learn to live with them. You don’t have to necessarily like them but just to know that they are there and accept that. So I think that’s helped a lot. I don’t think I’ve had a lot of uncertainty in my life so when a littlest thing is upset it has a huge affect on me. I am learning though, this whole year has been an amazing learning process for me. I’ve come up on some anniversaries of some major changes in my life and I will continue to have more anniversaries for another six months. I’m hoping that the majority of the healing process will be finished as those anniversaries pass and I can continue to move on. But who knows, so much can happen in six months, as I’ve learned. Someone made a comment to me the other day when I said something about “two years, what’s two years”, they said I was thinking like an adult, two years starts to not mean as much anymore, it’s not as long as a time as originally thought. I will still appreciate every day as it goes by, but they will go by so fast.

Now the other challenge is leaving things behind. Friends are really the only thing I'll miss and that is going to be really hard for me. But that's what email and cell phones and trips to Paris are for!!! Not to mention I'm moving to a pretty sweet vacation spot, hint hint. I really can't wait to see what is going to happen in the next year, what a life.

P.S. Once this chaos stops I wouldn't mind going more towards Neutral Good. I love being a nerd.

Read a Book!

Okay, so I haven't posted in awhile and I don't really have anything deep to say right now, been too braindead with life. But this is hilarious, so check it out!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/readabook